Who Was Prince?

Prince Rogers Nelson, the artist known as Prince (later known as a made up gay looking symbol) was tragically found dead the day after 4/20, giving rise to suspicions he may have died due to over toxification of Doritos. A day that fans will always remember as tragic and shocking, only 57, Prince was only just beginning to reach his Queen years before his body was found in his Paisley Park home, totally dead. The mourning of this legendary figure has only just begun, and for how long Facebook users will be reading insincere articles regarding the man’s God-like status from people who probably never owned a record in their life is yet to be seen, but what is for sure is the indelible mark the artist left on the recording industry.

But there was another side to Prince very few knew about, as he was notably shy and private in his personal life. He was an accomplished humanitarian as confirmed by those in his close knit circle, who told People Insider “You couldn’t not get help from Prince. I once complained to him that my feet hurt when we were at Disneyland, and without missing a beat he lifted me up his shoulders and gave me a piggy-back ride the whole rest of the day. When we walked past the churro stand, he heard my ‘Aww man,’ and without missing a beat bought the whole churro vendor, who follows me around to this very day. I can’t look at his red, tired eyes crying out to be freed from this eternal slavery without thinking of that day and Prince,”

Another close friend who wishes to remain anonymous told PI “Prince once cancelled a tour because he heard a baby bird break it’s leg in Ontario, and we were in LA. We told him, ‘Prince, maybe you just stepped on a stick or something. If you cancel this tour you’ll be taking jobs away from hundreds of crew members,’ but he didn’t accept that as reason enough, and the very next day hopped on a plane to Canada and began his search,” Once arriving in the city, however, it became clear to the legendary artist that theres actually f***** up birds everywhere, some missing eyes or without legs at all. He wandered the streets for days, crying and sobbing, his ghostly wails haunting the night air. This experience culminated his Prince’s opening of the organization FOWL – Friends Of Wounded Lears, which to this day continues it’s operations, wasting millions of dollars on creatures that don’t need any help.

But there was also a spiritual side to Prince. Surprising to some, Prince was raised Christian and never revoked his faith, eventually converting to the church of Jehovah’s Witness Kingdom Hall, St. Louis Park congregation. Though he wasn’t well accepted at first, his nick name being “Purple F**,” Prince eventually won over the congregation with his positive attitude, simple humble attitude, and a lot of money. People Insider asked the minister of the church Prince attended most, Minister Dave Bowlly, how the patrons felt about Prince’s outlandish and sometimes ‘sinful’ characteristics as an artist. He responded “Prince was a man like any other, he came in dressed in simple clothing and was indistinguishable from any other member of the church, which to all of us just made him that much more of a freak,” He went on to clarify that the cash donations helped him deal with “having to stare at his queer face,”

Most shocking of all, perhaps, was Prince’s political inclinations. What would seem like the poster boy for liberal values and the tenants of the Democratic party, Prince was a staunch conservative and often voted Republican. “Purple Rain,” was actually an allusion to the acid rain that fell over Vietnam after so much chemical warfare, and applauded the work of capitalist expansion. Upon his autopsy, it was discovered the likeness of President Regan had been tattooed on his left butt cheek, and there is even an infamous rumor that the Prince symbol is actually his own version of the fasces, the infamous symbol of fascism. Prince also held many friendships with conservative pundits and talk show hosts, including Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reily, the latter of which joined Prince at many baseball games, in which Prince showed a side of himself only reserved for those who knew him best, even though he was shouting loud enough for the whole stadium to hear when “that f****** f***** Joe Kelly” pitched out.

So who was Prince? Was he a sexual being that expressed himself through studio recording? A true humanitarian on par with the likes of Mother Theresa? A fledging racist who adored his collection of MAGA baseball caps? He was all these things and more, and as times goes on the world will continue to unearth the complexities of such a brilliant soul.