Leading scientist at the Institute of Karate, Alexander Entwistle, has concluded months of research into the effects of air pollution with a terrifying discovery; that air is not as safe as once previously thought. Just how bad is humanity’s air situation? According to Entwislte, “Prolonged exposure of oxygen on a person’s lungs can open the door to all kinds of adverse health effects, including lung cancer, osteoporosis, antitrypsin deficiency, and in rare cases even spontaneous combustion. ” This research seemingly contradicts years of established scientific history, however, according to Entwistle, his new research into oxygen is air tight. “Scientists have been taking oxygen for granted for centuries, and it seems like no one was willing to look at it critically until now.” Entwistle’s findings show that the averages person’s BPM (Breaths Per Minute) of 12 – 20 breaths currently leads to a 45% chance of developing adverse health effects, compared to this same time last year. When the BPM of test subject exceeded 30, the chances shot up to 95%. “The only practical method for avoiding the health risks from oxygen was when the inhalation frequency was more than once in 90 seconds. Anything less and problems start presenting themselves.”
More research will be needed in order to remain current, Entwisle says. This research comes at a bad time for air proponents, who have been touting the benefits of oxygen for decades, and recently held the oxygen awareness summit in Arkansas. The directors of the summit could not be reached for comment.
Is this article a joke? S**** you Entwistle